Traits

A year ago while my spouse and I were on a long distance drive with another couple, it occurred to me that wives have some common traits. This post will provide a few examples of this thesis, to which I am sure observers will relate. Obviously this is not a formal sociological monograph, but is based on observation, albeit of persons in similar socio-economic class. In that sense, one could consider it a cultural aspect of this subgroup. However, I suspect many of these “wife traits” will go well beyond this one demographic subgroup.

While on that car ride a year ago, we were in Honda Accord, which even has side view cameras and an alarm to let him know if he is crossing into another lane or onto the road shoulder. What the car did not have, from a technology standpoint, was an alarm to tell him if he was going faster than the posted speed limit. But, he did not need it because his wife would often make comments about his speed. Any illusion I had that my spouse was the only one to do this was quickly squashed. Heck, his wife would even beat the car alarm if his car was veering across a road marking. One’s wife can certainly take the place of technology and provide commentary much more quickly. Who needs such technology when you have your wife?  The autos in my household do not have the cameras with an alarm to let me know if I am veering, but my wife well plays that role. It is either by a comment, or the more emphatic brace against the car dashboard as if her life is in imminent danger. These instances led me to think about creating, what I call the wife app. If I knew anything about software, I could have a money maker on my hands. What a great father’s day gift.

GPS technologyo

Let me point out some of the significant benefits of the wife app. It could provide commentary on speed, lane deviation, and following too close to a vehicle ahead of you in a female voice, not unlike that of a husband’s better half. It could take existing technology to a whole new level.  The app would of course, have varied choices to apply, just like a real spouse. Passive-aggressive, sarcastic, the “don’t you know what you are doing voice”, and of course the mildly annoyed tone. Current GPS voice commands are rather boring and matter-of-fact, lacking voice inflection. We all know the tone of the voice can convey much more than the words. The beauty of the wife app is that it could add these critical (pun intended) voice inflections. When driving alone or without your spouse, she could even monitor your driving habits on her device by accessing the app. Think of the pleasant conversation you could have when you got home. “How was your trip home, Honey?” your wife would say, to which a man, who are people of few words, would say, “fine.” But then the wife brings up, “Were you falling asleep, I noticed you were about to cross the center line a few times”, or the “weren’t you travelling a little fast.” (Only to get home quicker to see you dear!)  Heck, perhaps she can even control the diction and voice the app would use adding another level of realism

There are other ways in which spouses are very much alike, and they go beyond driving. Let me provide three recent examples. Last week a co-worker said he had to get home early because they were getting a new refrigerator delivered to replace a twenty year old model that had recently died. I asked what model he was getting, and he said, “Oh, I left that up to my wife.” As a husband, I quickly knew what he meant. Men cannot make a choice of a kitchen appliance, lest they make, in their spouse’s eye, the wrong choice. Two other cases involve neighbors. In one instance, both of whom are trained in the design field, cannot come to a consensus on what vanity to place in a bathroom—a conflict of desires in design. Even in this day and age of equal rights, many women still want to follow the edict that the inside of the house is her purview, and that is what the lady of the house felt in this case. Finally, a neighbor was loading her children to take them to the Milwaukee area for a surprise birthday party for her father. She commented to me that her brothers, who are both in the Milwaukee area were making most of the arrangements, and intimated that she really did not know if it would be a surprise. As she noted, her hesitancy of surprise related to whether or not her brothers were able to keep it a surprise. They did.) Women, I believe, tend to fret about certain things more than men. There is no doubt in my mind, that she believed she could plan a surprise party and make sure it was kept a surprise. She doubted her brothers could do the same.   In these three cases I am sure most women would believe they know better than their husbands.

GPS unit

With these similarities, it makes you wonder if women take some sort of “wife class.” I went to marriage preparation courses with my spouse, and to natural child birth courses too. To my recollection nothing dealt with the instances addressed here. Maybe it is high school. In my age group boy and girl health classes were sometimes separated by gender. How else to best explain these remarkable similarities? If not through a class or training, is it engrained in their DNA? In this case, it probably goes back in time before the advent of agriculture to subsistence living of the hunter-gatherer class. In the former TV series “Everybody Loves Raymond” Ray Barone came to the conclusion that he really never had the power in their marriage, that the real power was with his wife, Debra. But, I believe, what is comes down to is that wives, and mothers, do not like uncertainty. I saw it in the perturbations of my mother. I have certainly seen it in my spouse. For example, when our sons were on a high adventure trip of some sort, she really never rested until they were home safe and sound.  In that sense she is like Marie Barone, knowing that the children need to do something that makes them happy and gives a sense of accomplishment, but does not mean she does not have to fret over it.  Uncertainty goes against that part of their DNA where they wish tranquility and harmony, which comes certainty.  Not having certainty kicks into high gear the care-giving instinct which is a natural protective feature of all mothers. Wives, or mothers of the 20th century have taken care-giving to a whole new level.  Think of what is now called helicopter moms.

Apps

The Wife App would have the ability to reduce some of that uncertainty—built in tracker, in the husband, or child’s s car. In use of the Wife App, the wife would have more authority than does the FAA over airline black boxes. Although, I am not sure the app would be able to provide better navigational skills than my navigator wife.  I also don’t know how many, if any, moving violations may have been saved by my in-car personal wife app. She is another set of eyes, if not on the road than on the odometer.  My very squared away, dependable spouse prefers cetainty over the unpredictable.  That, I believe to be a trait she shares with the majority of wives.  That is the basis of the wife app.  Now, what should the icon look like?