A few weeks ago it was suggested to me by a physical therapist that I should try to do some swimming over biking to see if it provides less distress for my feet. I was cautious about the suggestion because it has been grilled in me, by most (but not all) medical professionals to be in footwear at all times, and I would have to have bare feet walking on the pool deck. The following Friday after my PT appointment I found myself at the McFarland high school pool, to attend the Fun and Fitness class. I am not a good enough lap swimmer to take a lane for lap swimming, so I thought perhaps the three times a week Fun and Fitness would fit the bill. I also possessed some reticence about being with a bunch of Marie Barones.
Going to this session made me think of the Everybody Love's Raymond Episode, where Marie talks about her water aerobics exercise class and the women in their swim caps, and then babbles on and on about the class. I have a hard time getting a vision of Marie Barone and her companions at the water aerobic class out of my mind. It is the type of visual that makes me appreciate a trip to the dentist. I wondered if this was the fate that was in store for me, that Fun and Fitness would be a take-off of Marie Barone's water aerobics class. My wife has a friend, a member of her book club, who is a year or so older than the wife, who goes to the class. The wife got the scoop from her, let me refer to her as J, about the entry, what happens, etc. and she passed that information on to me. I suppose the evening water exercise class may be more akin to Marie's class.
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| View of pool bulkhead, white divider. Fun and Fitness is on both sides of the bulkhead about two lanes wide each side |
They are supposed to remember Theresa, who I guess is a member of the group but whom I may or may not have met, by thinking of Mother Theresa. Yet they struggled with the woman's name because they could not recall how they worked the association for her name. They knew the associative woman was a saint, but what saint, they wondered. They were going through varied titles when one said "mother, maybe mother, "and I said "Mother Theresa" and that was what jogged their collective memory. Given their struggle, I have to think they need a better mnemonic for Theresa.
Of the lap swimmers, there is one middle aged man who appears as a regular. Mind you, I am the youngest in the F&F group, but this man wears a small and tight red Speedo swim suit over his near chiseled frame, no dad bod for this guy. A woman on my side (lane side of the bulkhead) saw him get out of the pool and one commented that the suit reminds them of the suit worn by females which exposes the female buttocks and wondered how it did not "ride up". Two others commented, something to the effect, that they did not care, it sure was nice to look at. As I continued my side stroke I looked back and could see them all nodding in agreement. This reminds me of another Everybody Loves Raymond episode. Women need to learn men have brains, too.
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| Pool, looking toward bulkhead end. Eight lane pool for competition, 25 yards to bulkhead It is also 25 yards across |
The new pool was built with an addition which started in 2018 and attending my first Fun and Fitness class was my first venture to this new pool. It is a nice pool, is over 25 meters long and is 25 yards wide, and a moveable bulkhead to make it 25 yards for high school competitions that run the length. Other than competitions, the lanes run the width of the pool so 25 yard long lanes, with lanes on both sides of the bulkhead. The competition lanes are wider than the lanes for typical lap swim jexercise, they fit 10 in for lap swim, compared to 8 for competition. Spectator seating for 500 is provided in a mezzanine. It is also uses less chlorine since an Ultra-Violet disinfection system is used. UV disinfection has been in used at the Madison Metropolitan Sewerage District for decades, and it was one of, if not the first, treatment plant to use UV disinfection as it was pioneered between the UW and MMSD. To make room for our Fun and Fitness class they move a lane marker on each side and the class is separated by the bulkhead. I chose the side toward the middle and that is where I go. The day of this post we had six on my side of the bulkhead and other side for most of the time had two.
When I first arrived that one Friday I had to give my name and tell them that I was not only a resident of the village, but also an older citizen which gets me yet another discount. For $2.00 a session, I can see ten to twelve Marie Barone's, and Mark. I do not wish to paint a visual. But, let me say, for a while I thought they had a dress code for the pool since all but one of the woman on my first day at F&F had a navy blue swim suit on. The one rebel female had a slightly less dark blue than the navy suit. No discernable patterns on the swim suits, just plain navy blue. I felt out of place in my hand-me-up red swimsuit.
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| Pool, looking toward bulkhead |
The thing is I am not so much Tom as I am Toni's husband. I knew who the pool director was from when my kids were at school, but had never met him. My wife's friend, the following Monday started to introduce me to a few of the Marie Barones in attendance. She then introduced me to Stu, J introduced me as Tom, and I said my first and last name, which did not seem to jell with Stu, until J said that my "wife Toni Hovel is the best seamstress" and went on that she has known Toni for forty years. It was then he recognized the last name and noted he had my kids. This is not the only time. When J introduces me to people, it is as Toni's husband. "You know Toni, she is the best seamstress in the village, this is her husband Tom. I have known Toni, and well Tom, too for forty years." J is a nice person and I don't correct her in that I have been in the village for just under 34 years. One person who is one of the instructors, used to live on our block before her divorce years ago. Our class, yes even though a newbie, having attended a few times now, I am part of, and welcomed to the group. The F&F class lasts 45 minutes, with the first 25 or so free swim, and last 20 or so minutes instruction of fitness in the water. Marie Barone would be happy to see us doing exercises with boards, pool noodles, but most often foam dumbbells.
If people at the pool don't know Toni Hovel as the best seamstress in town, they do recognize her through Facebook. She is on McFarland Community and McFarland Mom's and Dad's. The day of this post I decided to join the McFarland Community so they can appreciate my dullness. Years ago I tried to join McFarland Moms and Dads, but never got approved, so I thought screw them. I much rather enjoy my Czech culture group where I get to salivate over some really good looking food on occasion, or read about a Czech composer. My spouse obviously makes some impression in these Facebook groups, probably by some in-depth analysis of an issue important to the community, like whether or not recyclables should be put in clear plastic bags, before being placed in the recycling container. Or issues of lesser importance such as the April school referendum to increase property taxes for operating expenses.
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| Fun and Fitness Class being taught by Stu, fall 2019 Source: McFarland Thistle |
Sometimes at F&F Mark livens things up such that you would not want to be away. On Monday, 3/4, we did some exercises with reach up the foot and at the same time move an arm over the head, like you would see in synchronized swimming. Mark was, in a kidding sort of way, wanting us to get in synch. Let me just say the US Olympic Synchronized swim team has nothing to worry about. Then again maybe they do, because they did not even qualify for the London Olympics. Can the US team be displaced by the seasoned citizens of the McFarland F&F? I doubt it. Try to imagine, if you will, 10 to twelve seasoned woman, and two men, evenly divided on each side of the bulkhead participating in synchronized swimming of kicking your leg up to water level and hand over the head, it was a site to behold. My geriatric body, even though I am the youngest, had all it could handle to get my leg kicked to the water level. All we missed was the music, my preference would be Handel's Water Music, albeit well shortened from its 60 minute span. What was Handel thinking writing a composition for water that takes 60 minutes? Attention spans in the the in the early 18th century must be better than ours today. Or, perhaps a more lively tune, like Dancing Queen. I doubt I would have been able to keep the beat, as keeping a beat has never been my strong suit. I wonder if my red suit stuck out compared to the navy blue preferred by the finer gender in the group. I doubt my suit color will get me kicked off the F&F team, as I tend to make the rest of the group look proficient in this pool art/exercise form.
Friday, 3/1 Stu, the pool director, who recognized me after recognizing the McFarland seamstress name, told me to pick up a sheet of paper, titled the McFarland Fun and Fitness Buzz book, it provides names, and contact information for the attendees. Of course, the buzz book was on printed paper the color of which all associate with water. It is however, a lighter blue than the dark uniform blue of the seasoned citizen females in the F&F class. Even though I attended before its publication date, I was not listed, perhaps they wanted to see if I would see it through, or would I be scared off. Stu said I would be in the next iteration.
When I got home, I pulled the list out of the cinch pack I use. I had biked that Friday, as it does not make sense to drive the 3,543 feet (I measured it using Google Maps) from home to the pool in decent weather, and set the sheet on the counter. As I went to hang up my suit and towel to dry in the basement, the seamstress-spouse looked at the buzz book and recognized most persons listed. Then, in a definite schadenfreude sort of way, had to pronounce that I am the youngest member of the F&F. I cannot help but think she was getting back at me from my first day when I could not help poke fun at the bunch of Marie Barone look-a-likes and their navy blue swim suit uniforms and the foam dumbbells. I am sure this is because she is one of their compatriots, part of the sisterhood sticking up for each other. And of course she recognized most every name, because they all seem to know her as a seamstress or by Facebook. And, yes, I have had women say "Oh, I recognize the name from Facebook!" I am known as Toni's husband. I had never thought she was so well known.
When I left for the pool on Monday, 3/4 (it is generally held three times a week M-W-F) the seamstress said to have fun at swim lessons. Little did she know one of our exercises was holding on to the bulkhead and flutter kicking, just like swim lessons 60 or so years ago. We did this after we did our varied movements of moving foam dumbbells in the water in different directions. Holding both dumbbells down at my side makes my feet depart the pool floor, as if I am in a state of levitation. J was on the other side of the bulkhead, and spotted me while we were doing prescribed movements, and looking through one of the large rectangular gaps in the bulk head just above water level, she said "peek-a-boo" to me.
I think it was the day Stu recognized me as Toni's husband, that I had kept an eye on an elderly lady doing the freestyle, and she kept pretty much near the lane marker so I took to the center to avoid Mark holding court and joking with his harem. I stopped to say hi, when I got hit in the back. The lady had veered well off her chosen path, and was probably wondering, after she hit me, if a walrus had made its way into the pool. She came to a slow stand to apologize, before moving back to the edge and continuing the next 10 to 15 feet to the edge. When I got back to the other end, Stu said, "Yeah, you have to watch her as she does not see well and she all of a sudden drifts." I thanked him for the advice, and said that is why I wear my glasses, so I can see. I have to give the woman credit for she was doing lap after lap, and here I am worn out after one 25 yard swim. I tend to avoid the crawl due to my left shoulder. Stu, when leading the fitness part one day, told the group that the breast stroke is one of the best strokes for persons with bad shoulders.
On Monday's as I go to swim with the ladies (the wife calls them my girl friends) and Mark, my wife is home finishing cleaning the house. I never know when I will get introduced to another floating female as Toni's husband, or a person who will recognize her on Facebook. A popular woman is she. At some point I am sure to come across someone that does not recognize her. Actually, I have no problem being known as Toni's husband. That means I am under the radar, which is a good thing for a guy who infects others with dullness. After having a job where most people I dealt with wanted me in a dunk tank, and the collection would pay an amount sufficient to buy off the city of Fitchburg debt, I can live with some level of anonymity. The last session for this season is Wednesday, March 13, as then the pool will close for over two weeks for a deep clean. Maybe April will bring somebody new to meet at the pool.
Note: Unless otherwise noted, photos by author, March 2024.
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